For readers who have been following my column (Aug. 17 and Sept. 13) you will quickly understand that this month’s article shows what my life will look like if I remain an Unhealthy Externally Focused person. I will merely accumulate more and more dots.
For those who are reading my column for the first time know that a dot represents your power, energy, focus. When the dot is outside of you (as in the stick figure drawing A) you have very little energy for healthily taking care of yourself.
Now let me explain what the dot represents at different times in the life span.
In infancy, the dot represents the caretaker. In childhood, the dot represents school mates. The child wonders if other children will like me, will play with me, will be kind to me or will be mean to me.
In teenagers, the dots normally start to accumulate to include: peers, money, girlfriends, boyfriends, phones, computers, sports, internet games, clothes, hairstyle, and maybe homework.
In young adulthood, the dots increase to include: a significant partner, employment, greater independence. In later adulthood, the dots often represent seeking a higher paying job to maintain all my previous dots, a more permanent relationship, a house, a larger vehicle, a family, a yacht, a fifth wheeler and so on.
If I refuse to go inside myself (Healthy Internal Focusing) then I will simply just keep on changing dots in my life.
Thus, I will now have a different partner, a different family, live in a different place, travel to a different country, get a different job: while believing all the while that the other person, job etc. will make me happy and will make up for the emptiness/loneliness inside of me.
If you can relate to what I am writing, then know it is your time in life to finally listen to your inner voice and start focusing on yourself in a healthy way.
To focus healthily on oneself means to have boundaries. The Unhealthy Externally Focused person has no boundaries and blames others.
In next month’s column, I will explain the difference between boundaries and walls.
Kathleen Kelly is a Chemainus resident and author of the book ‘The Tornadoes We Create.’